Do you ever allow your mind to wonder back to the past? Do you ever think about who you were and who you have become? Life has a funny way of moulding you. Your life experiences shape you at every turn. You don’t really get a chance to step back and witness these constant transformations. However, they happen all the time. Some of us choose to learn from the many lessons we are taught but some of us can become caught in a constant spiral of repetition.
I used to feel angry at the old me for what I ‘allowed’ to happen. It wasn’t until my rehabilitation that I finally let go of all that anger. Instead I began to feel passion and love for the younger me. Everything that happened was not my fault and I certainly didn’t deserve any of it. There was no one there to protect me and I was so young, barely older than my eldest son is now. I couldn’t imagine either of my children having to deal with anything like I did. In fact, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone not even my worse enemy (not that I have one!)
The thing is, although I was damaged by my past, I wouldn’t want to change it. All that has happened has led me to who I am meant to be. I will always carry my past with me as it is part of my DNA and it is not something I am ashamed of. The scars I carry are proof of my strength. I have been to the lowest points a person can reach and have been knocked down so many times, I have lost count. Yet, every single time, I rise again. I will always get back on my feet and will always be stronger than before.
This past month has been awfully tough. I have lost 3 close family members in 3 weeks. It makes you realise just how precious life is and how important it is to hold your loved ones close. Despite all of this my health is doing okay. Everything that’s happened has made me appreciate just how lucky I am. I have been using my learnt methods to cope better with my symptoms which is allowing me to support my family at this difficult time.
We all have a past, there will be things we are proud of and things we would like to forget. However, all that has happened has made you who you are today. You must be proud of yourself, whatever you have dealt with, good or bad, has helped you to get to where you are meant to be.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story.