Having time is a gift, a treasure. It gives you the opportunity to think, to reflect and to contemplate. I’ve had time to continue with my writing this week. Each chapter I write is like a release. A lifting of emotion. A respect to what has been. It’s difficult sometimes accepting and releasing the truth of what has occurred. On the other hand, this acceptance of the past, helps you to appreciate just how far you’ve come.
I think of that young, innocent girl. My eldest son is the age that I was when it all began. So young, so naive and vulnerable. The perfect victim for a hunter looking for prey.
I wrote her a letter. The younger me. The girl who fell down so far that she thought she would never get out again. Here is some of that letter…
Dear younger me,
I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. I’m sorry you’re so alone. I’m sorry for the choices you make, you are under control of a darkness no one should see.
Don’t give up, there’s too much to lose. None of this is your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are worth so much more than this and I promise that things will get better. It might not seem like it now but life is worth living. You will get away and will survive. You are stronger and braver than you realise. Your scars will show you this in years to come. As much as they try to destroy you, they will not succeed.
The most ridiculous thing happened yesterday. I was watching a scary movie with my Mr Right. Next thing I knew, I had a huge seizure. Once I came round, I got to thinking what had caused it. It turns out that during the movie, due to some very good acting, I was triggered. A memory was set off, sending my brain into turmoil. Who knew that watching a scary film could be such a health hazard?!?! 🤪 The joys of FND!
Unfortunately, this lovely episode has left me a little worse for wear today but I have let myself rest and recover.
I’m enjoying and appreciating my free time whilst I have it. I’m also making good progress on my book. Maybe one day, I’ll finish it!
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.