It’s been a long time since my last blog post, unfortunately, I have had a relapse/blip with my Functional Neurological Disorder. I met with my GP today who, thankfully, is clued up when it comes to my illness. He was fantastic and spoke with clarity. What he told me, I already knew but if I’m honest, I have been trying to ignore. What absolutely tears me apart is the harsh reality that I will probably never be fully recovered. My illness is one to be managed rather than one to be cured. That’s not something that I, or anyone really, wants to accept. It can lay in waiting, luring you into a false sense of security then BANG just like that, it rears its ugly head.
It’s certainly not all doom and gloom, my seizures have been happening mostly at night. My pain is bad but nothing like before. Considering the HUGE life changes we have been through my body and brain have coped incredibly well. I started another new job at the beginning of January. It’s challenging and has made me doubt myself but I think it is the nature of the type of work I’m doing. I have gone from working 2 and a half days to full time. I have relocated my family to another country and had to leave behind some of my close friends and family. All of these factors are going to take their toll!
What I don’t want to risk is ending up how I was before. I lost so much time when I first fell ill. I will not put myself or my children through that again.
I’m happy and content. I’m blessed to live this life. I have made a difficult decision but it is also the right decision. We have our own beautiful little house, our boys are thriving and we have been welcomed to the Borders by some lovely new friends. We are even going on holiday in July. The first holiday that we have been able to pay for. So, yes, things are quite tricky for me at the moment BUT I am so much stronger than this. Nothing that happens now can ever compare to the darkness I have seen.
I will listen to my body and take some time to rest. I have a few days off now to recharge and have my beautiful bestie coming for a visit. It’s important for all of us to have some rest and recovery time. I hope you get to have a restful weekend too.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story.