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fndandmecom

Living with Functional Neurological Disorder.

Month

March 2016

Stop existing, start living!

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It’s so easy to get pulled into a spiral of darkness. Trying to keep a ‘brave face’ when everything around you is tumbling down can be so extremely exhausting. Telling those around you that you’re ‘fine’ when you’re definitely not. The pretence becomes part of your existence. Keeping up appearances and always smiling on the outside, suffering and deteriorating on the inside.

FND can sometimes be an ‘invisible illness’. There are many others, such as Chrones, MS and even the dreaded ‘C’. In some ways it’s good that you can’t always see my pain. On most days, I can carry out a ‘normal’ existence. I have learnt to control my pain and cover up tell tale signs. On harder days, those around me have come to recognise my symptoms. I become pale and shake quite obviously, I hate this. I feel weak and angry. My own body letting me down.

Every one has there darker days and it’s so important to talk about these and about how you feel. Don’t allow yourself to become consumed with self pity and self loathing. It’s so important to look at what you have.

I know that I’m not suffering with depression or anxiety. I’m lucky to have a good understanding of the warning signs. I can give myself a proverbial slap and lift my spirits. I know that many with FND understandably suffer with anxiety and depression because the illness, like so many other invisible illnesses, becomes so life consuming.

A fellow sufferer once said to me, “If I woke and felt no pain, I would think that I have died”. This is sadly quite true. On the other hand, at least we are alive! We may have been dealt a rough card at the moment but we won’t or at least shouldn’t die as a result of this illness.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we only get one life. I can’t keep letting FND control it! I want to enjoy my children, my family, my friends and most importantly my life! It’s time to start living. My life has been on hold for far too long. A lovely work colleague of mine who has unfortunately been ill herself made something click the other day. She said, “You can’t keep putting things off until you are ‘better’ , that wait could be a long time”. She was right, I could wait forever and I don’t have that long!

I need to change the parts of my life that I am unhappy with. I think we all need to live each day like it’s our last. Stop existing and start living.

I hope that this will inspire some of you. Life is so short and before you know it, it’s gone. No one knows how long we have, don’t be full of what ifs, be full of wow, what’s next!!

Thanks for reading.

Charlotte xxx

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When will the madness end?

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Another precious life lost … what is happening in this world? How can anyone justify taking another person’s life?

No matter how uneducated or misguided some people may be, there is never a good reason for one to hurt the other. I have just watched yet another distressing news report about a young man who had his whole life in front of him being shot and killed. Shot? Really, is this what my children have to look forward to? A life of fear and uncertainty?

The young man was described as being in the wrong place at the wrong time. What kind of explanation is that to his family? His mother? His father? Do they just except it and try to move on? Do we really live in a society where this kind of behaviour is acceptable?

I ask these questions in dismay. I know there is no magical solution or way to simply put an end to it all but I feel there should be.

I hope they catch the cretin who thought that this was the answer to their problems. Even then, that will not remotely change the feelings of the family and friends of the poor young man whose life has been stolen from him. I pray for them and even for the family of the boy/man who committed the crime. Imagine as a parent finding out that your son, the one you carried for 9 months and held for a lifetime, could do such an awful thing.

Life is so short and so precious. Protect your loved ones, the world is a dangerous place. Pray for those lost in violence.

A message to my bestie xxx

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I have wanted to write this blog for a while but I wanted to make sure that the person who I’m going to talk about wouldn’t mind. She is an amazing, inspirational lady and is also very modest!

It is very true that it is only in your darkest hours that you realise who your true friends are.

I want to dedicate this blog to my best friend. We have known each other since we were only 4 years old and ever since then, no matter what, she has been an outstanding support. She has stood by me and never questioned my friendship, even when I may seem distant on my bad days.

She works so hard but still finds the time to check in on me and make sure I’m behaving and not over doing it. It’s the little things that make such a big difference. When I have been in hospital she is always on the end of the phone, seeing what she can do to help. She even stays over mine to ‘hold the fort’ so that Mr Right can go to work.

I know it all seems rather cliché to say this but I really would be lost without her. Living with FND has turned my life upside down and without her around to keep me focused, I really think that I may have given up by now!

I am so grateful for her friendship and kindness throughout the years. I’m blessed to have her around.

Thank you from the bottom of my ‘slightly dodgy’ heart. If I could choose an extra sister on top of my crazy but lovely little sis it would definitely be you.

Thanks for reading

Charlotte xxx

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