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I have just returned from a lovely holiday with my family and my dear friend. Thanks to the emergency medication my neurologist prescribed me, I managed to enjoy it. When you are away from home, you have time to think, time to reflect.

As I sat on the beautiful beach, not by choice but because I was exhausted after the walk down there, I watched my family. I watched my boys, Mr Right and my beautiful best friend play together. I began to wonder if they would be okay if I wasn’t here. This may sound over dramatic and morbid, however, when you have as many health problems as I have at 33 you do start to wonder how much longer you will suffer. In a sad, melancholy way I smiled knowing that my boys would be great. They are surrounded by so many people who care for them and love them.

I’m not planning on going anywhere too soon but I know that if the worst was to happen, my boys will do just fine.

When you suffer from a chronic illness your life becomes limited. As I mentioned before, you have to learn to pace yourself. I have learnt to understand my body. I know the warning signs. I am pleased with how well I managed during our holiday despite my limitations. Yes, I would have loved to have the energy to play all day but in reality I am ill.

My boys are my world, I will always try my best to be the best mother I can. I hope that they will see that despite my FND, I have been fun and exciting where I can.

When I returned from holiday I had received appointments for more tests on my heart. One in July and one at the beginning of August. Unfortunately, I can’t have my pacemaker fitted until these further tests are carried out. So, I have a long wait ahead!

I return to work on Monday and it is the last half term. I was very poorly during the final week of school so I am hoping after the rest I have had that I will make it to the end. Fingers crossed!!

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Charlotte xxx

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