It has been a while since I last wrote a blog. Once again, I have been extremely poorly. Last week I was admitted into hospital as I kept collapsing and suffering with extreme chest pain. On top of this my wonderful brain decided to throw in some seizures for good measure. I have been putting off writing the blog as I didn’t want my readers to think that I was looking for sympathy.
After recent events in my family, it feels quite selfish and self absorbed to write about my illness. I am quite sure that what I am suffering from isn’t life threatening. If I’m honest, I have been feeling quite defeated. My fight has become almost too much. If it wasn’t for my boys and Mr Right, I’m not sure where I would be now. The cardiologist is sure that a pacemaker is the right choice but yet they are continuing to make me wait and go through more tests.
My Uncle and Auntie, who in fact are not my actual family, have been beyond amazing. They have ferried me to and from work to the hospital and really supported me. I will be forever grateful but this whole situation is killing me. I have gone from being a strong, independent woman/mother to a pathetic shell of what I used to be. I can’t bare being such a burden on anyone. I know that they do it out of love, but it shouldn’t be their responsibility!
I will always try my best to be positive for my children. Dwelling on the negatives will get me absolutely no where. However, sometimes it does get a bit much. I am well aware that there are many people a lot worse off than me but occasionally, it can become hard to think that there are others suffering too.
I have been touched by the love and care those around me have shown at home and even in my work place. My younger sister has been an angel. It breaks my heart that she is the one looking after me when it should be the other way round.
I find the process of writing my blog very therapeutic. It gives me a chance to process everything that has happened over the last few weeks. As I mentioned earlier, please don’t read this as a cry for help but more a process of therapy. If I can reach out to just one or two people who are dealing with FND or a heart condition, I hope that it will give them help, advice and even some support. Also, I hope to help the loved ones of sufferers too.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.