Life is such a funny, exciting and sometimes terrible thing. No one knows what each day can hold. You don’t know what is in store for you. Of course, we make plans, have routines and go to work but we still can’t be sure what will happen to us throughout any normal day.
When I first started to fall ill, I was happy, I was in a ‘good place’. I had just started a new teaching role at a new school. The boys were thriving and Mr Right was, well, just right 😆 As I have explained before FND can hit anyone at anytime. There’s not a great deal understood about the initial cause of FND. Perhaps my brain felt ‘settled’ and ready to deal with past trauma and that’s why it hit me when it did.
I’m not resentful or angry. However, I am a little bit sad. I guess you could say that I am grieving. Grieving for the life I had. I have been ill for nearly 4 years now and I’m learning to accept and understand FND and how my body copes with it’s symptoms. I am learning to accept that I’m not able to do all the things I could do before. Although I can accept it, it doesn’t mean I can always be positive about it.
I am a true believer that in life we make our own choices about what we want. I’m not saying that we have full control of what happens to us but more that, we make decisions that directly affect us. Some choices will benefit you and others will not.
When you have a chronic illness like Functional Neurological Disorder you can feel like this is it and your life is over. It’s really not. Sure, everything will change, simple tasks will become gargantuan mountains to climb BUT you will still find ways. You can learn to adapt and manage and sometimes even avoid certain things if you know that they will make you feel ill.
I will always remain hopeful and I will refuse to give in. This DOESN’T make me special in any way, this makes me human!! We’re only here once and despite the pain, despite the exhaustion, I am determined to make the most of it! One little step at a time.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story.