I am a true believer that life is one big learning journey. We never have all the answers and there is definitely no instruction manual. We are essentially ‘making it up as we go along’.
One thing I have learnt since being diagnosed with FND is to understand my limitations. I used to be able to work morning till night and although I was tired there was never any severe consequence as a result. Things are very different now.
Yesterday, I had a lovely catch up with some work colleagues. We all agreed that the profession we are in is extremely demanding, I am starting to come to the realisation that perhaps for me with my chronic illness it is TOO demanding. It breaks my heart, I have tried, my god have I tried! However, there’s only so much you can try before you realise that actually your health has to come first.
Today is the start of half term, a week to recuperate. Sadly, I now see that this isn’t long enough. My family have watched me deteriorate over the past few weeks. I sit here today in an awful mess. I woke to several seizures in a row, burning and electric shock like pain shooting up my legs. This isn’t living. My children have suffered enough and so have I.
In the long run, I can look back with gratitude for the chances I have been given. I recognise that despite all my health issues, I haven’t given up. I have taken chances and tried my best. This is not a defeat it’s a new challenge. This is me listening to and understanding my body. I need to rest, in reality, I will never rest in my current position.
I have a lot to consider and a lot to change. Knowing that I have the love and support of my little family means the world to me. They need me as much as I need them. If things change then this can be possible. No more suffering, no more pain.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.