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fndandmecom

Living with Functional Neurological Disorder.

Month

February 2017

Everything’s going to be alright!

It can become increasingly hard to stay positive when you’re constantly fighting a battle. I have struggled to motivate myself to blog over the past few weeks. This is mainly because I have been dealing with a myriad of new health issues. Some of these are linked to FND, however some are not. The strange thing is that I find it easier to accept symptoms of FND. When it comes to the unexpected extras, I find it so much harder. 

Every person you know, every person you meet would have come across ‘darker’ times. Unfortunately, it’s a fact that at some points life can be extremely bloody hard! I like to think that I’m a rational person but despite that I do sometimes wonder why? I know that everyone else has bad things happen. I hate to be all ‘poor me’ but seriously, I’m not sure how much more I can take.

I’m so exhausted, there’s not much fight left in me. I am no angel and have made MANY mistakes but have learnt from them and tried to become a better person. I take each challenge FND throws my way and fight not just for me but my family too. 

A cross road lies in front of me. Only I can choose which way to go. I can allow the ‘Dark Horse’ to carry me away OR I can run in the other direction as fast as my numb legs will carry me! Those that take the time to read my story will know that I will always choose to run but for the first time, that decision hasn’t come easily. 

If I knew how hard life was going to be perhaps I would have taken more care. I don’t ever want my downfalls to drag my children along with them. I try so hard to protect them but they’re older now. Let’s hope that all of this doesn’t make them ‘victims of life’.

So I will continue to fight all of my health battles and take each day as it comes. No one can be sure what lies ahead. If living with a chronic illness means that I have to make big changes in my life then so be it. As long as I have my little family by my side, I know that everything will be alright. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. 

Charlotte xxx 

What is this life if full of care? We have no time to stand and stare.

What is this life if, full of care? 
In my last blog, I discussed how much I miss the old me. I miss my health and energy. This got me thinking about those days where I can feel a bit like the ‘Charlotte’ I used to be. 

I am currently enjoying half term with my lovely boys and have just got home after a lovely day out. As we stood together and looked out over the sights of London, I sighed deeply. I sighed not because I felt sad but because I wanted so much to take the moment and store it deep in my heart.

We are all guilty of ‘rushing’ through life. In the blink of an eye, your babies are no longer babies. I can’t help but feel guilty about being ill for so long. It’s been 4 years now and as much as I try to protect them from the rawness of my illness, as they grow they begin to understand so much more. That’s why I think it’s so important to savour those special moments. So today, whilst we stood together, I took it all in. I etched that moment into my heart.

It’s so important to focus on the positives when living with FND. You never know what kind of day it’s going to be so if it’s a day where you feel okay, don’t over do it but make sure you grasp those memories where you can. That’s what I plan to do from now on. I’m going to take time to enjoy the little things. 

Unfortunately, I am already suffering the consequences of our lovely day out but it was worth every second! 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. 

Charlotte xxx 

You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone!

When I originally started to fall ill I guess you could say that I was taking life for granted. I was constantly busy, working hard and looking after my little family. Then, just like that, everything collapsed around me. I have been left with a thousand ‘what ifs?’.

What if I had slowed down? What if I hadn’t allowed life to stress me out? What if ‘it’ had all been so different? Who knows? Would I be well? I know that there’s no point questioning it all. My life is what it is. I am grateful for all the positives that surround me but I can’t help but miss my old life. Life before Functional Neurological Disorder. 

I have lived with FND for nearly 4 years now and yet there’s still so little known about it despite how common it has become. My own GP knows only what I have taught her and at first it was extremely hard to get her to understand. Unfortunately, FND was seen as more of a psychological illness at first but it is now understood better. They know now that it is a disorder of the brain that causes misfiring and all the symptoms experienced are very REAL!!

I often think that if I knew what was going to happen, I would have appreciated it so much more. I would have cherished my runs in the morning before work and my nights out with friends. I would have cherished my long days out with my boys just that little bit more. 

If living with FND has taught me anything, it’s to never ever take things for granted. Every single moment is one you can’t get back. You really don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Health is a gift, please treasure each and every day. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. 

Charlotte xxx 

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