Living with Functional Neurological Disorder.


December 2017

New year, new opportunities. 

What a year it’s been! Our little family has been through so many ups and downs. It’s been a difficult year for the world too. The media taking any chances it could to grasp onto any bit of ‘happy’ news it could! Fine examples being the announcement of Royal baby number 3 and the engagement of Megan and Prince Harry! The world we live in is becoming a hostile place, I guess it’s our job as parents to try and focus on the positives even when there are so little. 

This coming year, I will face many challenges. There’s going to be lots of hardship but along with that, many exciting new adventures. I’m about to start the FND Rehabilitation course on Thursday. This is a great opportunity and I plan to give it my all. I am so blessed to have the help of my wonderful Auntie K and Uncle A. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be able to take up this chance. They ALWAYS go above and beyond to help our little family. They do all this, despite the fact that they have their own family to look after. We really don’t deserve all their help and I just wish there was a way to thank them properly! 

Over the next 5 weeks, I will be working all day Monday and Tuesday and half day on Wednesday. The rest of the week, I will be at the hospital attending the rehab clinic. This means, I have no rest days other than the weekend. I’m anxious as to whether my body/brain will cope but I know that I can be strong. I have my boys and Mr Right and with them or at least for them, I can achieve anything. 

I will try and post each day, if well enough, about my experiences at the rehab in the hope that it will help others decide whether it is right for them. It’s all quite exciting and hopefully, a great way to start the new year!

As well as the rehab, I will be making some huge changes this year. I will reveal those closer to the time. I’m hoping all of these together, will make for a better, more secure future for our little family.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my readers an amazing New Year 2018. I hope this year brings you nothing but happiness and wellness. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Charlotte xxx


Merry Christmas 2017!

I am blessed beyond belief. I have been lucky to have a wonderful Christmas day surrounded by loved ones. I haven’t been too unwell which is a huge blessing.

I will spend the rest of the day thinking of those less fortunate and pray for a better tomorrow for them all!

Merry Christmas to all of my amazing followers, I hope your day has been full of magic.


Charlotte xxx

My next chapter. 

I can finally stop and enjoy the Christmas festivities. There’s a lot of exciting times ahead. At the beginning of January, I begin the FND rehabilitation course at the Royal Hospital for Integrated Medicine. It’s going to be really tough, I will be working Monday, Tuesday and half of Wednesday then for the rest of the week, I will be attending the hospital. This means that I will only have the weekend to rest. I hope my body doesn’t let me down.

The rehabilitation course lasts 5 weeks. I will be meeting with a multi disciplinary team. A mixture of neurologists, physiotherapists and psychotherapists. I am not sure what to expect but the results are promising. I have to give myself a chance to get better. I want my life back. I will approach the course with an open mind and hope for the best. Perhaps, 2018 could be the year when everything changes for the better! 

I have begun psychotherapy and have had my diagnosis of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) confirmed. It’s a lot to get my head round. It means to me, that even after all these years, my ex husband is still having a negative impact on my life. My therapist feels that I have a lot of inward anger. This is understandable after everything I’ve been through. We’re working on me being able to accept help and care from others. She said that I need to realise that I matter too. It’s a long process but I feel safe with my therapist. She makes me feel calm and comfortable and I am able to discuss things that are very difficult to open up about. Unfortunately and inevitably, I am experiencing a rise in my seizures and paralysis but I think this is my brains way of processing the really ‘hard’ stuff!

I have been really touched by the responses I am receiving about my blog. The other day, I had people from over 20 countries visiting my pages and that makes me feel that I’m most definitely raising awareness of FND. I love writing and this blog is just the start for me. Thank you to all of you who take the time to read, follow and share my blog. It means more than you could imagine. 

I have the next two weeks to rest and enjoy time with my boys and I look forward to new beginnings in 2018 on my road to what I hope will be recovery! 

Merry Christmas! 

Charlotte xxx

Fighting the darkness.

It can be incredibly hard to stay positive when living with a chronic illness. Unfortunately, many sufferers develop depression and anxiety. This is understandable as dealing with constant pain and fatigue can really drag you down. 

Depression is like a dark, heavy raincloud. It follows you everywhere you go and is the last thing a person needs when already dealing with so much! So, the question is how on earth can you stay positive when living with an illness like Functional Neurological Disorder? 

I have put together a list of what I do to keep as ‘happy’ as possible. Once again, I am NOT an expert. I’m definitely NOT medically trained and by no means would I ever want to offend anyone. Each and every one of us is completely different. What works for me, may not work for another but if I can help anyone, then that’s great! So, here it goes …

1) Take each day as it comes. It’s inevitable that you will probably have more bad days then good. However, try and not to plan too far ahead. Chronic illness is so unpredictable. If you have a good day, enjoy it and savour it BUT try not to over do it!

2) Focus on the positives. Yes, I can see your metaphorical eye rolls lol. It’s true, believe it or not. When you’re lying in your bed in agony and feel like there’s no point anymore, close your eyes, take a deep breath and focus. Today is a hard and awful but there’s still hope. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have friends, family or colleagues who care for you? Have you eaten today? If you can answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then you have more to be grateful for than you realise. 

3) Do one thing that you love each day. This is very tricky, especially if you are juggling illness, family and work! However, you have to remember that you matter. Please don’t take this in the wrong way, I’m not saying throw away all your responsibilities and run off in to the sun! Just try and think of simple things. Listen to your favourite song, relax and read your book or laze in front of the TV. Basically, whatever ‘floats your boat’. Even if it’s just 5 minutes. It’s so important to remember that you and your happiness matter. Give yourself some ‘me’ time and it makes a big difference! 

4) Ground yourself. This is a technique that I have been taught by both psychologists and neuro physiotherapists. I have, kind of, made my own interpretation of it that helps me fight off the dark clouds. It can become overwhelming, living in constant battle with your own body. It’s like being sucked into a black hole. When I feel this I simply take 5 deep breaths, in through your nose and out through my mouth. Then, I look at 5 different things around me. It could be the windows, the trees or even a flower. I take notice of the feeling of my feet on the ground, my bottom on the chair. I appreciate feeling alive and the simplicity of everything around me. Again, this works for me but it may just seem weird to others and that’s fine.

That’s it, my list of fighting away those nasty, black clouds. I hope some of these might help, even if just temporarily. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Charlotte xxx 

Sick and tired. 

I feel quite lost. It’s a mixture of complete and utter exhaustion and panic. I have rested well and even had an extra ‘snow day’ thrown in for good measure. Yet, here I sit in pain and confusion. 

The tiredness I feel can’t simply be dealt with by sleep and rest. This tiredness is in a whole league of it’s own. I don’t even have the energy to brush my own hair. It’s like hanging over the edge of a huge cliff, clinging on for dear life but there’s just not enough strength to pull myself up again.

I know that I must ‘get on with it’ but I’m not sure that I can. It feels that I’m coming to a point where the fight is disappearing. I simply can’t keep going. Please don’t see this as a cry for help or attention. I just feel so invisible sometimes and alone. There’s no one I can really talk to. No one who really wants to listen. So I turn to my blog as a way of expressing these moments in a hope that by venting this feeling, I may get through the other side.

Here’s hoping for an extra charge of energy to get me through this week. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Charlotte xxx

Listen to your body.

Unfortunately, today I’m ‘losing the battle’. The pain and exhaustion have become too much and I’m stuck in my bed. It’s okay though, these days are just part of my self care management. 

When I was diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder, I felt as though I had been given a label and simply dumped. In 2013, when I was diagnosed, there was very little they could do. Thank goodness, things are FINALLY looking up! There continues to be a much greater understanding of this disorder. Nearly every month, there are huge conferences held around the world. These conferences are teaching all the medical profession about FND. There was a myth that all the symptoms are ‘in your head’. Which they now know is complete RUBBISH! The symptoms caused by this disorder are very REAL.

This greater understanding has led to better treatments and management. I am psyched to be attending the FND rehabilitation course for 5 weeks from January. The results of which look very promising. Obviously, each patient reacts differently to the treatment but I’m going to put my all in to it and hope for the best!

As I have said many times, I may have lost today’s battle but I will not lose the war! I will let my body rest today and be ready to face another week tomorrow. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Charlotte xxx

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