Just five weeks ago, I entered the Royal Hospital for Integrated Medicine, a broken and exhausted mess. I had been living a constant hell for five long years. A world of constant pain, fatigue and dismay. I have had ways of coping. Writing my blog has been my own therapy. It’s been a way to offload and keep positive. Today, as I said my goodbyes, I left a stronger woman. I felt that I finally have my mojo back.
My first appointment yesterday was physiotherapy. We discussed the goals I had set and the things that were causing me the most problems at the start of the course. I am so pleased to say that my pain has improved so much. Now that I have a better understanding of the pain mechanism, I am able to manage it much better. My fatigue has improved and once I return to my normal working week, I can continue to implement what I have been taught. The biggest triumph for me is that I’m beginning to exercise again. I am gaining fitness and not dropping on the floor when my heart rate rises. Even after having a non epileptic seizure, I was able to complete my HIIT workout. The endorphins are giving me such a buzz. Overall, my physio has helped me to trust my body again. I am so very grateful for what she has done for me.
My second appointment on Thursday was Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). My therapist has been amazing. I have felt that I could trust her, she made me feel safe. The work she has done with me has helped to heal all my broken pieces. I now feel like my jigsaw pieces are joining back together. I have carried so much shame and guilt for so long. Now I realise that I have NOTHING to be ashamed of and NOTHING to be guilty about. I am a good person and I deserve to be happy. Through the work we have completed together, I am now able to recognise and experience different emotions in a healthy way. I think I mentioned before that for so long, I have been watching myself from the outside. Now, I’m one person again. I can feel, laugh, cry and be me again.
My final appointment was with my support worker. At the beginning of the course, I completed a range of assessments. In this appointment I completed them again so we could compare them at the final meeting.
Today was my final day. I was meant to bring Mr Right along but his horrible boss said he couldn’t have the time off. My wonderful Auntie K and Uncle A stepped up once again. Unfortunately, my youngest son was poorly so my Auntie looked after him and my Uncle came to the meeting.
The meeting was a review of the course and target setting for the next 3 to 6 months. I will have a follow up in 6 months. It was so positive and lovely to have the support of my uncle there. They congratulated me on all my progress and hard work. I got to say goodbye to some of the wonderful fellow patients I met.
Although I am sad that this has come to an end, I’m definitely ready to face the world a stronger, more confident me.
I was determined to get the most out of this course and I really believe that I have! I know that my FND symptoms haven’t just disappeared but the difference is, I now have the tools in place to manage everything better and who knows, one day, I might be well again.
I hope my story gives others strength. I know we a have our own battles to fight and some people have more to fight than others. My battles have been horrific and I never thought I could heal but I am. I’m actually healing finally after all these years. Please don’t ever give up.
I am so blessed to have had the support from Mr Right, my boys and my fantastic Auntie K and Uncle A. Without them, I wouldn’t have got through it. The kind and supportive words of my friends and family have helped too.
I am at the start of a whole new beautiful life and if you would like, I will like to take you on this journey with me!
Thanks as always for taking the time to read my story.